My life as a chronically ill person is something I’ve kept relatively quiet about. I just don’t like to talk a lot about my health. I think mostly because I am forced to think about it so much and these days it’s on my mind every waking moment and it also effects my sleep.
I’m sick of thinking about it and having to deal with it. It’s so stressful and exhausting (not to mention, expensive!) to live with. But I’m starting to think it’s important to talk about. Not just to teach awareness, but because it’s good to get things off your chest every once in awhile.
I’ve been soldiering on the best I can and suffer mostly in silence. But my illnesses are requiring me to need more support from others these days. I’m fiercely independent, so when I ask for help, it’s because I’m really struggling. Mind you, I’m only 40. But chronic illness doesn’t care what your age is. It’ll come for you at any age and make you feel old. It’ll take any pride you have and humble you right down real quick.
Holding things in isn’t good for your mental health and it can even hurt your physical health, especially when you’re immune compromised. So I’ve got to release it because it’s not helping me keeping it to myself.
To summarize my lengthy health woes: I’ve been ill most of my life. It got worse in my teens and even worse as an adult. I have hypothyroidism because my thyroid had to be removed years ago. I was just diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis, a heart issue, fibromyalgia (again), and macular degeneration. These things have embarrassed me. I was bullied as a teen for having psoriasis. It’s a devastating illness. But I have no control over these things happening to me. It’s not my fault and it doesn’t make me less valuable as a human being. I’m still a very hard worker and am capable of offering so much to the world. Besides, Cyndi Lauper has psoriasis and she’s an amazing person! She’s been my hero, since I was a little girl. I dressed like her and everything!
My symptoms change from minute to minute and there’s no cure for psoriatic arthritis or macular degeneration. Hope has gotten me this far. I just hope for a cure or better treatments in my lifetime.
The treatments for psoriatic arthritis are as bad or worse than the illness itself. And it’s an illness that will savagely ravage your body, so that’s really saying something.
I’m suffering and I feel like I’m trapped in a defective body. Please, don’t see this as whining or think that I’m playing a victim for attention. I don’t want pity and I certainly don’t want to be put under a microscope. I’d just like others to come away with some sort of understanding of the anxiety, pain, and fear associated with these illnesses. The amount of sheer will power it takes to deal with them is also something people should know about. And maybe if someone can relate, that would be good too!
Art has been a positive outlet for me my whole life, but even more so these past couple of years. It helps me redirect my focus to something other than my health. Sometimes a distraction is just the ticket to feel better mentally and emotionally, which can have positive effects physically.
I’m trying to enjoy positive things. Like these sunflowers and time with my family. God bless the farmer that planted them! Sunflowers have got to be the cheeriest out of all the flowers. They’re like drops of sunshine! I love them so much, I actually hung the picture below in my dining room!
I don’t have power or control over a lot of things in my life, but I’m doing my best to enjoy the good things in my life and count my blessings, even in the midst of a pandemic and health woes. Stay safe friends and may you and yours be blessed!
Copyrights: Misty R. Lemons/Designs By Misty Blue Do Not Copy
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